Sent to newspaper, but not printed.

February 19, 1999

Richmond Times-Dispatch
P.O. Box 85333
Richmond, VA 23293
Attn: Editor of Editorial Page

Dear Sir,

I wish to make known to our august General Assembly that I have finally given in to their desire to be my nanny and take care of me. Heck, I was getting tired of thinking for myself anyway.

In keeping with the spirit of the proposed new seatbelt law, that would make it a primary offense to be unbuckled, I wish to suggest some other measures to protect the citizenry from itself. I propose the following:

If the outside temperature drops below 50 degres F. it should be required that people should wear a jacket or sweater lest they should catch cold.

Black males should be prevented, by law, from eating large quantities of salt or salt filled products. It is a medical fact that black males have a higher incidence of high blood pressure and thus should not be allowed to eat salt.

All fast food restaurants should immediately be closed as a public health hazard.

Helmets must be worn, by law, when roller blading.

All contact sports must be outlawed because of the potential for serious injury.

Swimming without a life jacket must be outlawed because of the potential for drowning.

Children must be prevented from playing on swing sets or any other playground device from which they may fall and break a limb.

I think this should keep our General Assembly busy until the next session. I will try to come up with some other life saving ideas in the mean time. Oh, I know, how about outlawing headline seeking politicians who try to put forward the idea that they “care” about the poor, ignorant citizens of Virginia? Just a thought.

Just sign me,

frustrated by it all,

Floyd C. Bayne

cc: James Gilmore
John H. Hager
R. Lee Ware
Stephen H. Martin